The part I fear to write (Asperger's 4)

Here comes a part I would hate to write but oh well its not for a fan base and I doubt anyone would read it so I guess its for fun and maybe another realise but I don't know much about Asperger's affect a lot of people I have my own experience yes and I understand how some of it works yes but just assuming that my ways of thinking like this and what I would do in this situation is the same to others with it is no better than putting them in a box in fact it might be worse because at least I know a bit about it so to assume that everyone would do the same would be very big headed.

Along with all that comes what you appear like to others now most say that people with Asperger's can be spotted maybe yes and no everyone would have certain quarks so never assume that but to what we deliver to others seems to sometimes be on the wrong side of them. (I can not stress this bit enough this is all my own opinion and experience so this next bit is not to generalise anyone with it).

How I come across has always been loud and eccentric but also a word that's been thrown around my whole life literally I think since birth when I was born so was this word with me to always be there as a companion and a constant (that was weird back to topic) this word is annoying literally the word is "annoying" I have been and probably will always be "annoying" (now don't jump to your but everyone is annoying to someone or everyone has annoying parts about them speech). The word to describe me and the most used and easiest one to use for me is annoying. Now I don't know if its a gene or what but no matter what people what place what situation that's what I am.

So instead of changing a lot I tried using it thinking people would just go that's Dan and they did until recently I did not know that people viewed me as that word so now comes the dilemma of what to do. Do I finally give in, do I not and carry on, do I say forget it and be on y own while still being like this just leave the people (now you may be thinking that over dramatic and all that) you might be right welcome to my brain on situations like these.

So I guess all these are different and I will have to see what it next. but anyway this has been fun its taken a few hourd but hey if I ever write a book about Asperger's or my life with it I've already got some pages and lnow now I can type fast and flow well when its about me haha I'm such an vain person then but then to any readers mainly people who are bored and went onto blogger for a weird reason thank you for reading and have a nice day, night, holiday ,birthday, Easter, Halloween, April fools, valentine's day and Christmas (but if your reading this on Christmas WHY?) either way have a good one and be safe also remember people with or without Asperger's are not all the same ok.

Downside to the "gifts" you recive with Asperger's (Asperger's 3)

They say my memory is a gift sometimes yes but like everything too much is a curse and too much memory is no different from every sound to every conversation I can remember if I choose to but sometimes even without wanting to choose to it gets too much and as I say overflows much like a cup with a constant running tap over it and its really hard to empty that cup. So a device was used a memory palace (for those who instantly think of the show Sherlock get over yourselves) a memory palace for those who don't know is a place you can go to in your hand and in that place there are different room or doors or corridors or boxes or shelves or anything and in those places there is information any information you want in any place and once you go to that place you can get that information and only that information so you don't get distracted by a random thought or a train of thought. Sound confusing yeah TRY HAVING IT.

What does happen is you not only get annoyed by your own brain and memory you also remember random bits or if you focus it a whole section on one for me my section is astronomy but then comes the difficult bit letting it out air in a balloon or pressure in a tank you don't just burst you realise and deflate but then comes the hardest part for me anyway I have no one who would listen I find it's easier saying it to someone who just listens then saying it to just yourself reason but I know I know it and instead of speak if I know its just to me I will automatically think what I would say because its quicker to think and go 100mph on something you know then speaking it and the whole reason is to let it loose so that's the hard part.

Things that come with it (Asperger's 2)

Advantages to this is uniqueness but that like all positives come with a negative lowliness the worry to speak you're mind in fear of you being weird or mental, creativity and the fun child side which is meant to have been suppressed so you feel like your wrong and finally for the largest percent intelligence and memory they say the silver lining is our brains and how they work they list things that people with Asperger's might like which includes art (like drama)' science' sport' games (or coding games), maths and things that require creativity. Surly that's a wind branch but I used to be torn between astronomy and drama I chose to act because I wanted to act ever since I can remember and only realised my love for stars and space in the gcse years so I thought I owed it to myself to go for the thing I wanted longer. During this decision that I thought was really weird as there almost opposites so I asked for advice and the people who I assumed knew me because they put me in a box just said "people with your condition always go for things like that" and yeah that said it in a innocent. friendly and complete no menacing way but I was stuck almost shut down.

To think that something you've wanted and was passionate about could just be because how your brain is and that people with Asperger's chose that type of thing in the higher percentage it took me awhile to decide but with that knowledge I still couldn't shake of the need to try acting so I tried for college and got in. then I noticed a whole different board game from growing up for 7 years in an all boys boarding school to a mixed college one thing tripped me up so hard. Girls with no experience how was I to handle this I had no idea so I tried to go with the flow after a lot of learning and being afraid I think I learnt some things though some situations I had no idea what to do. See either all girls talk openly or I just found a weird bunch I fell you could say "Down the rabbit hole" with talks on bra's and sex yeah I knew of these things but from being dropped from a small school a 100 boys in the middle on nowhere into a thriving and busy active place was confusing for a average person I'm sure.

 after the two years skipping that whole phase of awkwardness and situations and people that I would rather forget I found myself once more in the presence of people who like these box names so much this time they had a class for me. See I have a identic memory for those that don't know what that means its basically a photographic memory on steroids and if you don't know what a photographic memory is look it up I'm not your bloody teacher so they had lessons for me z way to train my brain to make it stronger and organise all the thoughts and memories I had which where a lot.

not all the same (Asperger's 1)

People seem to put other humans in a box be it because of age, gender, religion, country or race but now its your state of mind if you have Asperger's yes that's been said before by others and yes maybe you've heard it before by people without it but just because it seems to be repeated or re-heard doesn't make it any less true then if you heard that you live by breathing. Now people would think if they agreed well what does it matter maybe not a lot to some but its when it gets out like a plague people act different either because they want to or it's by accident but it happens and its put down to human behaviour but why?

All I can say is for myself  I tried a test while with people I didn't know did some things that socially would be weird then when I mentioned Asperger's they had what I like to call the OH moment where suddenly they realise or think they realise they have me figured out because of a word so all my actions goes down to that. This is not a rant or a speech I doubt I know what it is because it's defiantly not formal and by all means take it how you will as advice for yourself or someone else or not but at this moment in life and probably in everyone's life at every moment they have something expected of them mine is apparently to become normal so says the people who put me in this section.